Kismet

I keep telling Chris that its kismet, he and I.  Kismet means fate; destiny.  We’ve come into each others lives at precisely the worst possible time. Here I am with no real job and no real place to call home; he’s in the exact same spot. But together we can help each other and have been doing so since day 1.  We haven’t gotten much further ahead, but we also haven’t sunk any further.

I love him so dearly.  I know these feelings are true, and that they are mutual.  I can tell by the way he looks at me, I can feel it when he touches me and kisses me.  When he makes love to me there is no denying that his feelings for me are just as strong and run just as deep.

Our goal right now is to get an apartment together, a little studio that can be our little love nest. A place we can go and be alone and spend time getting to know each other better, more intimately and personally. I’ve told him I love him a thousand times, but those words have yet to cross his lips. He doesn’t say it, but its the way he doesn’t say it that tells me he does.

I love all the little things about him. First and foremost I love how artistically talented he is. I love the passion he has for his art. I love the way he folds towels. I love how fussy and neat he is with his stuff. I love his jokester personality. I love the way he watches out for me. I love the way he thinks of me as he’s thinking of himself.

I tell him all the time we’re kismet, meant to be. The other day we were talking and he said he doesn’t know why, he can’t explain it but he just can’t let me go for a second.

Kismet for sure….

A quick phone update

So life has done a complete 180 and landed upside down and discombobulated. Where to begin…

Its been nearly two months now since Haydn threw me out on my ass. He and I had a fight one morning, he smacked me upside the head and he and the rest of his family threw me out, letting me take only a few garbage bags of clothes. He has all the animals too. I had no choice but to move into my moms house. Of course this has not been working out at all as everything I do in her eyes is wrong. When she speaks to me I can literally see the venom spewing from her mouth. She leaves me crying just about every time we cross paths.

My only shining star in this whole ordeal is Chris. We met a few weeks before the whole haydn incident. From the getgo I thought he was too cute, both in his appearance but especially in his mannerisms and personality. The day I got thrown out, he was the only person who called me.  He was sympathetic and sweet and did all  he could to make me feel better. We began spending every day together, but nothing happened between us.  One day he finally hugged me of his own will when he walked me to my car.  I let my feelings be known flat out; he was much more hesitant.  He made it clear though he was interested, but was concerned that I get over anything I might have with haydn first.

One night we were sitting in my car and I took it by the horns and kissed him. I swear I could feel the electricity pulsating between us and could see and feel the  boom of fireworks emitting from us. It feels like that now every time we kiss. There is so much passion for one another behind our lips. I’ve never been kissed the way Chris kisses me. Its like our lips were made for each other. He holds back and doesn’t kiss me anywhere near enough for my satisfaction. He’s trying to take things slow and when we kiss, he says his brain farts and he gets too swept up in emotion. But I’m gradually wearing him down…